By: Dr. Sharon-ann Gopaul-McNicol
BA., MA., MSc., MEd., Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist (Clinical/Child/Development/School/Sports/Forensic/Community/Cross Cultural) International Consulting Psychologist to Governments / Institutions in the Caribbean, the USA, the UK
With the Christmas season approaching there is much festivity around the world as parents, businesses, public service offices all exchange gifts, hold parties and bring in Santa for children in the communities. It is a wonderful time for many but a time of profound grief for those who experience the recent loss of loved ones and are trying to cope and are wondering if they will ever get through this celebrative time of the year.
What is grief really? It is a profound mental anguish usually arising from the loss of a loved one or it could be a social loss such as divorce or occupational loss such as a job. What it all means is that it is an end to what was once familiar to you and you must now try to adapt to a new and oftentimes unexpected and even unwanted reality.
It should be noted that grief is a normal process that one goes through when reacting to a loss. It is a mental and emotional pain manifested at times in a physical way such as chest pains, body aches and so forth. At times it is so profound that a person becomes depressed and even have suicidal ideations thinking that they cannot cope without their loved ones.
Grief is experienced differently by different people who may simply be trying to figure out a way to heal after the loss. There is no right way nor is there one way to cope with grief because everyone copes with situations differently and heal differently.
What we do know is that the loss of a loved one is a difficult challenge at any time but is even more aggrandized during the holiday seasons because at such seasonal events painful memories come to the surface as reminders of the loss and nonexistence of a loved one.
Just some pointers to consider if you are mourning the loss of a loved one this Christmas season:
Firstly understand that grieving and healing take time so do not feel that you must partake in the season’s festivities.
Do what you feel you can do, what is right for you. In other words, listen to your heart. Some people cope best by avoiding their feelings and while this may work in the short term, at some point, it is best to face the pain, cry if necessary, write in a journal what you are feeling, choose someone either a professional psychologist or a good friend and discuss the hurt, the guilt and the pain. Recognize that it is normal to experience peaks and valleys because at one moment you may be fine and at another moment you may feel gut-wrenching sadness. At such times just try to be gentle with yourself.
When you feel “out of sorts”, you can also try to tap into your social support network such as family and friends. Be honest and tell your friends and family what you want to do and what you prefer not to do.
Be careful with alcohol because it tends to numb the pain when we are grieving and it is very addictive.
Focus on those less fortunate. It is amazing how in times of great loss and grief, the greatest comfort is to give and help others. You can even consider making a donation in your loved one's name to a charity or a cause your loved one cherished. You can even volunteer to help others in some way – in the church, in the community. If you have the energy you can even “adopt” from the orphan homes a child for the holidays and fill his / her life with love and goodwill.
As bad as things may seem, go in a place of gratitude for whatever blessings were bestowed on you in your lifetime.
Remember we all grieve differently so do not be upset if another close relative is partying while you are not.
Most of all, if you happen to feel happy during the holiday season, do not feel guilty because this does not diminish how much you may be missing your loved one.
BA., MA., MSc., MEd., Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist (Clinical/Child/Development/School/Sports/Forensic/Community/Cross Cultural) International Consulting Psychologist to Governments / Institutions in the Caribbean, the USA, the UK
With the Christmas season approaching there is much festivity around the world as parents, businesses, public service offices all exchange gifts, hold parties and bring in Santa for children in the communities. It is a wonderful time for many but a time of profound grief for those who experience the recent loss of loved ones and are trying to cope and are wondering if they will ever get through this celebrative time of the year.
What is grief really? It is a profound mental anguish usually arising from the loss of a loved one or it could be a social loss such as divorce or occupational loss such as a job. What it all means is that it is an end to what was once familiar to you and you must now try to adapt to a new and oftentimes unexpected and even unwanted reality.
It should be noted that grief is a normal process that one goes through when reacting to a loss. It is a mental and emotional pain manifested at times in a physical way such as chest pains, body aches and so forth. At times it is so profound that a person becomes depressed and even have suicidal ideations thinking that they cannot cope without their loved ones.
Grief is experienced differently by different people who may simply be trying to figure out a way to heal after the loss. There is no right way nor is there one way to cope with grief because everyone copes with situations differently and heal differently.
What we do know is that the loss of a loved one is a difficult challenge at any time but is even more aggrandized during the holiday seasons because at such seasonal events painful memories come to the surface as reminders of the loss and nonexistence of a loved one.
Just some pointers to consider if you are mourning the loss of a loved one this Christmas season:
Firstly understand that grieving and healing take time so do not feel that you must partake in the season’s festivities.
Do what you feel you can do, what is right for you. In other words, listen to your heart. Some people cope best by avoiding their feelings and while this may work in the short term, at some point, it is best to face the pain, cry if necessary, write in a journal what you are feeling, choose someone either a professional psychologist or a good friend and discuss the hurt, the guilt and the pain. Recognize that it is normal to experience peaks and valleys because at one moment you may be fine and at another moment you may feel gut-wrenching sadness. At such times just try to be gentle with yourself.
When you feel “out of sorts”, you can also try to tap into your social support network such as family and friends. Be honest and tell your friends and family what you want to do and what you prefer not to do.
Be careful with alcohol because it tends to numb the pain when we are grieving and it is very addictive.
Focus on those less fortunate. It is amazing how in times of great loss and grief, the greatest comfort is to give and help others. You can even consider making a donation in your loved one's name to a charity or a cause your loved one cherished. You can even volunteer to help others in some way – in the church, in the community. If you have the energy you can even “adopt” from the orphan homes a child for the holidays and fill his / her life with love and goodwill.
As bad as things may seem, go in a place of gratitude for whatever blessings were bestowed on you in your lifetime.
Remember we all grieve differently so do not be upset if another close relative is partying while you are not.
Most of all, if you happen to feel happy during the holiday season, do not feel guilty because this does not diminish how much you may be missing your loved one.
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